A desperate woman writes to the Technical support Guy

Dear Tech Support ,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0 .
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1 .
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate Woman

Tech Support Reply
DEAR DESPERATE Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 , Happy Hour 7..0 or Beer 6.1 .
Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 under any circumstances (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0 .
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.
Good Luck Madam!
Tech Support

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The sex life of an Electron
(by Eddy Current)

One night, when his charge was pretty high, Microfarad decided to seek out a cute little coil to let him discharge. He picked up Milliamps and took her for a ride on his mega cycle. Around the series circuit, they went across the wheatstone bridge, down through the sine waves and finally stopped in a magnetic field besides a flowing current.

Microfarad was attracted by Milliamp’s characteristics and curves and so had her fully charged on some electrolyte. He exited her resistance to minimum, laid her on the ground potential, raised her frequency and lowered her reluctance. He pulled out his high voltage tube and inserted it in her socket, connecting them in parallel and began short-circuiting her resistance.

Fully excited, Milliamps signed, “OHM! OHM!”. Microfarad, his tube operating at maximum electromatic force had her field vibrating with current, which caused her shunt to over heat. Microfarad’s cell rapidly discharged, drawing off every electron.

They fluxed on all night trying various connections and sockets until his magnet developed a soft iron core and lost all its field strength.

Afterwards, Milliamps tried self-induction and damaged her solenoids. With his battery fully discharged, Microfarad was unable to excite his field. So they spent the rest of the night reversing polarity and ended up by blowing eachother’s fuses.

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LETTER TO IT TECHNICAL SUPPORT

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as News 5.0, Money 3.0 and Cricket 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
A Disgruntled Female Customer


REPLY FROM IT TECHNICAL SUPPORT

Dear Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update in conjunction with these.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances install Mother-in-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7.

Good luck Madam!
Tech Support Team

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FUNNY LAWS

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

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